Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
