So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
