And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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