I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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