he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
