I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Are we still banned from the library?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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