just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
