if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
