I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
