1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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