Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
