and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
