Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
