I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
