If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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