Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
