Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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