I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
