Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
