I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
