i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
