So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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