dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
