I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
