not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
