Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
