Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
