I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
