he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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