i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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