I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
