there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
