christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
