i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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