Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
