i don't like sucking hair
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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