we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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