For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
