she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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