I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
