Do you still have your period?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
