I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
