everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize