Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
