just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
