i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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