Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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