Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
