Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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