I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
