Sry I called you an 8
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
