i think my tv is drunk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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