it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
