I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
