Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
