I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
