if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
