Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
