there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
