tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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