I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
