im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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