tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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