YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
