i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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