she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
