i just had sex bonerless
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
