And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
