i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
