I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
