Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
