WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
