I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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