I just saw a hot homeless man
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
