he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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