I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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