on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
