She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You pole danced in your parka.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
