I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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