I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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