I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
