my shit smells like andre
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
