we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
