So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
