She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
