he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
