a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
