My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
