You just made me feel so damn special
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
