I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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