I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize