i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
