It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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