Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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