the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
