Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
