You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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