it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
