Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My ass is underappreciated
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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