my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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