Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize