He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
