MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
