dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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