she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
As shirtless as possible
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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