he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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