I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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