i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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