Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
someone owes me an orgasm
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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