The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
