people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize