I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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