Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
