super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
