Can i not drive my cunt home
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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